Every day up until August 7, 2010 I lived my life for myself. I never really lived my life for anyone, nor did I think of many others. I cared about my troubles, and at the time - no matter how small they actually were, I blew everything up - way out of proportion. I know when someone loses someone they pretend they have these little revelations, that everything is going to change. I know this is true, because I’ve done the exact same thing.However, I no longer live for myself. I live for my boyfriend and I. I live my life so he can see the world through my eyes. Lately, I’ve noticed how precious life is. I’ve realized most things only come by once, and if they ever come again - take them because most things don’t come by a second time. Losing the love of my life has taught me a lot, in as little as a week. Rodney and I used to fight over dumb things; Rodney and I would fight about anything and everything, just to fight. Regardless if we loved each other, we didn’t take all the moments we had together for more than what they were. Most occasions, we did take it for more than what it was, but there were sometimes that we didn’t. I now wish we had.Little problems don’t seem like a problem to me anymore. I honestly can say that losing my soon-to-be fiance has taught me that if I can/do survive this, I can and will survive anything else life throws at me. The biggest problem I face now is surviving. There have been days this week where I just want to give up. I know that this won’t get easier, not for a long time.
Moving on, the point of this is to tell you this: love your loved ones; you don’t have to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to be happy. You don’t have to have “someone” just to feel wanted. I’ve realized that friends - while they are a big deal, are many. I’ve lost a ton of friends in the four years of dating Rodney, whether it be that I lost them because they didn’t like him, or just because we were indifferent with each other. I’ve learned who those true few friends are, and I cherish them immensely, especially at this time. Mostly, love your family. Having Rodney and my family as my support system has been one of the biggest helps I could have ever asked for. The love and compassion both families have showed is beyond me. I cannot express my gratitude towards everything they’ve done for me. And lastly, cherish your days; even though it’s a hard lesson - learn to let the little things go. I can’t tell you how many stories people are going to tell, that aren’t true, or little things that are going to piss you off that you’ll find. But if you can learn to let most all of them go, you will be a lot better off.
I can’t say I’ll always let everything go, but right now - the sun seems much brighter now that my gorgeous man is up there, and everything else that doesn’t involve him just seems so little. I promise this is my stepping stone forward, to stop letting the little things bother me, and start appreciating life for not only myself, but for Rodney.
I know you all can’t live for Rodney, but you can live for yourself, and I hope and wish that you will. <3
Best wishes.
